Solemate by Lauren Mackler

Author:Lauren Mackler [Mackler, Lauren]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781401921439
Publisher: Hay House
Published: 2009-04-01T00:00:00+00:00

Here’s some guidance on how to move forward with this process:

• Take a holistic approach. Don’t rely solely on the results of your MBTI assessment or what you learn from the exercises that appear at the end of this chapter. Use all the exercises to gain valuable information about yourself, but then dig deeper. We’re all more complex than tests can reveal. By using a variety of different approaches, you’ll start to see patterns and the pieces of your puzzle will begin to come together. You should have an understanding of some of your life conditioning from the preceding chapters. Let those insights help guide you through the process.

• Look for clues in your responses to situations and people. Operate from a place of awareness and check your reactions against the new information you have about your family of origin, core beliefs, family role, and fears. When you have a reaction to a situation, ask yourself: Is this coming from the conditioned self or my authentic self? If you experience fear or anxiety, you’ll want to check it out. But—and this is important—don’t assume that every emotional or behavioral reaction you have is based on your conditioned self. You have to do the investigative work and examine yourself and situations as they occur. For example, if you walk into a crowded room full of strangers and you experience fear or anxiety, you’ll want to check that out. You want to ask yourself: Where is this anxiety coming from? Is it a fear of being judged or rejected? Or is it an innate discomfort from being in an environment that’s very loud, where there’s too much going on, and that feels overwhelming? Does that kind of environment conflict with my innate nature? Do I generally prefer quiet environments and small groups of people? When you reach a conclusion, double-check it with your intuition. See how it compares with what you’ve already learned about your fears and innate nature.

• Use your journal as your workbook. Your journal is a valuable tool to help you track your feelings and reactions and how they compare to your core beliefs. Don’t censor your feelings and reactions. This is the place where you ask yourself: What’s truly mine and what have I adopted from someone else?

• Be discerning in your friendships. As you begin to live more deliberately and become more aware of your life conditioning, you’ll start to see patterns in your relationships. Explore the characteristics of those relationships. Ask yourself questions such as: Am I habitually drawn to people who are critical? Am I replicating the dynamics I had with my parents in my relationships with others? Am I always comparing myself to others and feeling bad about Check the dynamics of your relationships against your core beliefs and habitual myself? behaviors. Perhaps you notice a pattern with others in which you always feel like you’re giving and never receiving, based on the core belief that others’ needs are more important than my own. To consciously change this old pattern, you’ll have to start communicating your needs to others.

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